It's all I ever do
by Gamma Orionis
Summary: Sirius leaves the house of Black after crossing one line too many. Companion-ish to Andromeda Rising. Bellatrix, Sirius, Narcissa, Andromeda. Language, Blackcest.
1. Prologue

Author's Notes: A companion piece to Andromeda Rising (despite the fact that in that story Andromeda left first, and in this one Sirius leaves first. But that's not important). Like that, there will be three chapters, as well as a prologue and an epilogue. Warnings: mild language, shades of Blackcest.

Approximately one in 65 people who reads a story reviews it. Do better.

Edited to add: Well Jesus, guys! Will someone explain why there are three alerts for this story, but only one review? Take my advice: If you want to put an alert on something, take a few minutes to tell the author why. Seriously. It will make everyone happier.

)O(

"This is the last time!" Orion Black thundered. He backhanded his eldest son, and sent him stumbling backwards.

"The last time!" he repeated, advancing. "I have given you more leeway than you deserved! I have let you decorate your bedroom as you chose, however inappropriate! I have not pried into your affairs at school, much though I believe them to be a series of scandals! I did not even complain when you invited those… _people_ to our home for your last birthday! But this – _this is the last straw_! I will not tolerate this behaviour!"

Sirius glared at his father, willing himself not to cry. _I will not cry, I will not cry, I hate him, I don't care, I will not cry_.

"Apologize!" bellowed Orion. "Apologize now, or, so help me God, you will never come back here while I live and breathe!" He pointed his wand at Sirius, and his eyes were wild with anger.

"No," Sirius said simply, fighting to keep his voice steady.

Orion's eyes bulged. "_Cruci–_"

"Uncle, NO!" Bellatrix screamed. She was up against the far wall, being forcibly restrained by her own father.

"Shut up, you little slag, you're next!" Orion thundered. "And as for you, boy, either apologize or get out NOW!"

Sirius clenched his jaw. _I will not apologize, I will not cry, I am not sorry_.

"Fine, then," he said. He straightened, brushed off his robes, and started for the door.

"DON'T YOU DARE WALK OUT ON ME!"

"You said you wanted me out," Sirius said. "I'm leaving."

Orion Black looked fit to explode. "Ungrateful wretch! Standing there, with Black clothes on your back–"

Sirius wrenched his robes off, and threw them on the ground. Beneath, he wore a white t-shirt and blue jeans.

"There," he said. "I'll leave you your damn clothes. Are you happy?"

And without waiting for the answer, he stormed out.


	2. Andromeda: I Listen

Andromeda:

I listen from the stairs.

I listen. That's all I ever do. I listen as the fight goes down, and I comfort afterwards. There have been fights like this before, and it's always the same. Bellatrix, or Sirius, or both, do something scandalous. Narcissa and Regulus hide. I wait from the stairs until the shouting is finished. I comfort whoever comes out of the room first, hug, and let them cry and rant, and I listen. And I tell them that they're right, it's all terribly unfair, but they should just go to bed, and it will all seem better in the morning, even though I know it's a lie. Then I go to my uncle, or my father, whichever was angrier, and I plead on behalf of my sister and cousin. Sirius was reading Muggle books? He only does it to spite them because he craves their attention. Bellatrix was in bed with some boy you don't know? She only does it to feel something. Sirius and Bellatrix were overheard plotting to poison their parents? They were angry, they wouldn't dream of really doing it.

And then I listen to them too. Uncle Orion says that he's worried Sirius is going wrong, and I listen. Father says that he's worried Bellatrix will end up in bed with a Mudblood, and I listen. I listen. It's all I ever do.

But this time, I know listening won't fix anything. Sirius storms out, and he isn't searching for justice. He's searching for freedom, and I know because I recognize in his face what I've seen in my own. That desperate craving to be somewhere, _anywhere_ but here. Longing for freedom.

"Sirius?"

I creep down the stairs, follow him to the front door.

"Where are you going?"

"Away!" He whirls on me, and I startle at the anger in his eyes. "Away, Andi, anywhere but here!"

"Don't go," I whisper. "You can't go. We need you. We love you."

"You might, but they sure as Hell don't," he said, jabbing a finger at the door. "They want me out, and I'm leaving. Don't try to convince me to stay, Andi. Don't even talk to me."

I listen to his footsteps as he leaves, with only his wand and his muggle clothes.

I listen to the wind outside, when the sound of it obscures the sounds of my cousin's departure.

I listen to Father and Uncle Orion, screaming at Bellatrix now.

I listen. That's all I ever do.


	3. Narcissa: I Hide

Narcissa:

I hide in my bedroom.

I hide. That's what I do. I hide, and cover my ears while people scream. There have been fights like this before, and it's always the same. Bellatrix, or Sirius, or both, do something stupid. Andromeda goes to listen to the fight. Regulus and I hide, try to find a place somewhere we won't have to hear the shouting, somewhere we're safe. I wait until it goes quiet, then I creep out of my hiding place, and find Regulus, and we cry together. We are the silent children, Regulus and I, the ghosts that fade away when things get hard, then we come back out slowly, and share our tears with our older siblings. He goes to Sirius, and I go to Bellatrix, and we cry in their arms, and they stop crying so that they can comfort us. Sirius shouting that, by God, he'd leave then and there? All it takes is his baby brother clinging to him to convince him to stay. Bellatrix screaming that she'd bed who she liked, what did it matter? I was there to remind her that she had a baby sister to be a role model for.

Then we go to our fathers, who have already been calmed by Andi's logic. We climb into their arms, and cry into their robes, and tell them, please, Daddy, don't be angry, I love you.

But I can only work our magic after the shouting has died down, because the shouting drowns us out. So I hide. That's what I do.

But this time, hiding makes me too late. I hear the front door slam, and squint through the window to see my cousin walking away.

"Sirius?" I whisper.

He can't hear me, of course.

"Where are you going?"

He's going away. He's leaving, and he'll never come back. I know from the way he carries himself, that he's going to get away from us forever, and only when he's gone will he let himself break down.

He turns back for a second to look at the house, and I duck so he can't see me.

I hide from Sirius, so I won't have to say goodbye.

I hide from Andi, so I won't have to explain why I hide.

I hide from the wrath of Father, and Uncle Orion, their shouting at Bellatrix rattling the floorboards now.

I hide. That's all I ever do.


	4. Bellatrix: I Pretend

I pretend they don't hurt me.

I pretend. That's all I ever do. I pretend they don't hurt me, and I pretend I'm fine afterwards. There have been fights like this before, and they all follow the same pattern. Sirius or I, or both of us, do something they don't like. Narcissa and Regulus hide. Andromeda hovers outside until the worst is past before she does anything to help. I can't hide, and I can't stay outside, and I can't run, so I pretend. I hold my head high when Father and Uncle Orion call me all the names I know full well I deserve. When they hurt me, I stay limp and keep my face blank, expressing neither pain nor pleasure, both of which I felt. Then I come out and Andromeda tries to comfort me, and I only give her what she wants, unleashing just enough emotion to bring out her maternal nature. Then Narcissa climbs into my arms, and buries her teary face in my breast, and begs me not to be sad, but she's only trying to convince herself, and I comfort her as best I can. I pretend. It's all I ever do.

Then, when everything else has died down, when the sun has set and I'm protected by the blanket of the night, I creep out of my room and into Sirius's, and only then can I show how much they hurt me. And Sirius can help me, in a way no one else I know can…

But this time everything is different. I still keep a mask of indifference on my face when Father and Uncle Orion tell me what a dirty little whore I am, when they hit me, beat me, all but rape me. But as soon as they let me out of the room, I'm out and running after Sirius.

I push Andromeda aside when she tries to stop me, and run out onto the street, after my cousin. I know where he's going, and I catch him barely a block away from our house.

"Sirius!"

He stops, freezes, and I know he recognizes my voice, but he doesn't turn to look at me.

"You can't go!"

"I don't care!" He whirls on me, and I shrank from the hatred in his eyes. "I'm not putting up with that any longer! I'm not, Bella!"

"You can't go!" I say, trying to choke back tears. "You can't, Sirius, you can't leave me here! I love you!"

"Yeah," he spat. "Yeah, I got that. That's why we're in trouble, remember?"

"Sirius…"

"Fuck you!" He turns around again, and this time he goes, he doesn't look back, and I don't follow.

I pretend it doesn't hurt that he's leaving me behind.

I pretend I don't love my cousin so much that they hate me for it.

I pretend there's something I would like more than Sirius to fuck me.

I pretend. That's all I ever do.


	5. Epilogue

James couldn't have been a better friend to Sirius. He managed to convince his parents to let Sirius stay with them, just until school started up again.

Sirius stayed in James's room, sleeping on the floor, or trying to.

"Sirius?"

"What?"

"What happened?" James asked. "Why did you finally get out? I mean, you've been talking about running away for years, what finally made you do it?" James sat up in his bed and watched his friend.

"They threw me out," Sirius said flatly.

"Why?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"I promised."

"Sirius, I'm your best friend." James leaned closer, and although his voice was concerned, there was curiosity there too. "You can tell me anything. No one will have to know."

"You really want to know?" Sirius asked, his voice suddenly hard. He sat up and faced James, who was taken aback by just how angry he looked.

"Of course I do…"

"All right," said Sirius. "All right, then."

They locked eyes for a long minute, one pair of eyes defiant and the other pair containing barely-masked curiosity.

"I slept with my cousin."

James stared at his best friend, incredulous.

"Now shut up about it."

Sirius turned over, so he didn't have to look at James anymore.

_I slept with my cousin_.

_Fuck up… that's all I ever do_.

)O(

_Fin_


End file.
